OK, MSCL fans - prepare yourself. This is Jared Leto. No, not Daniel Beddingfield and Elton John's lovechild after a meal of 18 pies, 42 crispy creams and a small hippo, Jared Leto. Beautiful, delicious, sex symbol, teen dream, Jared Leto. Fat for his new movie role as Mark Chapman, John lennon's killer in Chapter 27. What? Crying? Me?...I just have something in my eye... 

Today’s topic is what to do if you are, like me - a shop assistant and the world seems to think you will put up with anything and any kind of treatment because the customer is always right. Well as I'm sure you will know by now, in my opinion the customer is very rarely right. In fact - they are barely developed human beings with social skills and morals and I have had to put up with them and their annoying ways for far too long (we're talking years here, best not state how many or I will lose my high somewhat). Today, I made a stand for mistreated shop assistants everywhere and told a customer to simply just fuck off. It was one of the most cathartic experiences I have had in a long time. It was more up-lifting than most therapy I've had and the equivalent to a 30 minute jog or a Terry's Chocolate Orange in mood-liftance. I feel so much lighter now. In fact, I enjoyed it so much that I have asked my brother to come and visit me at work tomorrow and pretend to be an annoying customer just so that I can tell him to fuck off and have the experience all over again. So anyway, back to today....

Imagine the scenario, I am a young female shop assistant minding my own business, looking around my shop for signs of customers in distress when I spy a man in his fifties staring at me in the kind of way people do when they want to get a shop assistant's attention but have lost the ability to speak and simply say 'excuse me, can you help me?' (This happens all the time, it is one of my major retail gripes - after all, when you sign up for the job no one offers you mind-reading and eyes-in-the-back-of-your-head training, but I digress) So I smile at this staring man and say, 'hi, can I help at all?' to which I am surprised to find that said customer does not need help, he needs to make the fatal error of joking, 'no thanks, I'm happily married!' OH NO! BIG MISTAKE, MATEY! BIG MISTAKE! I was not offering you sexual favours, I am not a prostitute, this isn't that porno you were watching last night after your wife went to bed early, you should be so GODDAMN lucky. RED LIGHT! WARNING! I am not amused, I am so far from amused, amused is a dot to me. Although for some reason, a girl next to him is, she is laughing - she has no respect for her sisterhood and should be shot. Upon my failure to die laughing, said gentlemen says to laughing girl 'oh at least someone around here has a sense of humour!'

In my brain, you could hear a pin drop. It's one thing for some disgusting old man to joke that I was offering to have sex with him on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of a gift shop but it's quite another for someone to attack the only thing I have - my sense of humour - which as you all know is bloody fantastic. I literally could win awards for it, I can see the funny side of many a thing. So needless to say I saw red. It wasn't pretty - I said a few things about appropriate jokes between men and women, young and old, sexism, sexual harassment, offensiveness, I may even have used the word ‘saucy’ which I never normally do, I don’t recall, the only bit I remember is finishing with 'Fuck you' and walking away with Mexican waves and rounds of applause from adoring fans and supporters in my head. That was the best part, that was the climax of many years of customers and their pathetic jokes you are obliged to laugh at out of some strange unspoken etiquette between customer and shop worker that says, 'the customer is not just always right, they are also hilarious, intelligent, interesting and have great views on things like race relations, animal rights, immigrants, sexual politics and the death penalty that you totally agree with' well no fucking more.

Only last week 3 ladies from London were in the shop complaining to me that you can't park anywhere in the city close to the restaurants and shops which is so frustrating, every time they come to Oxford they can't park etc etc. This is because oxford is massively congested and polluted and is attempting to be green by enticing people away from driving into the centre. I suggested the park and ride which is convenient, cheap and green and they poo-pooed it, cos like, they didn't know where the bus stops were! It's only a matter of asking ladies, I’m right here, a fountain of knowledge - in front of you - just hit me with the questions, come on - do it! Then they started talking about how the Japanese kill whales and isn't it terrible and they have funny ways over there, very much like those Hindu people who don't hold the door open for women and the Chinese who...and they looked at me as if I was supposed to agree with them and their racist generalisations and misunderstanding of other cultures....what am I? Brain dead to the point of agreeing with whoever speaks the loudest and most convincingly?!

Also, don't get me started on the woman complaining that the animal rights protestors were blocking the centre of town again so she couldn't get to Marks and Spencers and don‘t they have any consideration for the elderly?!

I hate people sometimes. But I got a moral victory today so I must sleep well in the knowledge that I have done my bit for stopping pervy old men in their tracks.

A few years ago I read a book called Don't Sleep With Your Drummer by American author Jen Sincero, I think I even wrote a post about it on here telling you all to read it. The book tells the hilarious story of one woman's last ditch attempt at being a rock goddess by starting a band in her late twenties. It's so bloody funny I felt the desire to tell the world about it, especially since having been in bands myself, I found her account of the experience completely spot on. So, I wrote some worshipping review on Amazon.co.uk which I forgot about until I read that she'd published another book on my second favourite subject called The Straight Girl's Guide To Sleeping With Chicks. This book is a literal handbook on all things girl on girl for anyone considering it. Again, you will need to wear some kind of adult nappy whilst reading this book as Sincero writes with such humour and sass that you may lose control of your bladder a few times. It's a pleasure for someone to write in such a refreshing way about the lack of need for sexuality labels in modern life - after all, we girls are bloody lucky, it's so much less of a personal disaster for us to dabble in homosexuality. No really, it is - get over it - you know you all want to. So anyway, where was I? Oh yes, I decided to go to look at the official Jen Sincero website for the first time last night, don't know why it took me so long but hey - look what I found on the book review page - me! Lil old me - she has read my words and wants others to aswell! It's a joyous moment in Katyland - up there with the summer I wrote 5 whole reviews for an independent music magazine and single-handedly had a hand in it's bankruptcy and eventual fold! Horah! Go see for yourself kittens, your favourite sometimes photographer sadnessmonger, destined for a life in retail is now a published reviewer! Jen Sincero. la la la la la!

Sometimes I feel like I am stuck in my teenage years indefinitely, perhaps no one ever lets go of those feelings and experiences completely. You hear people say how great it is to leave behind the insecurities of youth and to finally be comfortable in your skin and sure of yourself and your direction in life - oh how great it is to be an adult and not have to worry about any of that shit ever again! I hear these people say these things and I think 'YOU LIE, SIR!' (I even think this when it is a woman who says it). Perhaps it's just me being massively unlucky - perhaps I am literally the only person approaching 30 who is still mentally insecure and prone to self-doubt but somehow I think not. I still have absolutely no idea what I'm doing in life and I still find myself going 'what?!!!!!!!' on regular occasions when life really doesn't make any logical sense and people are strange - I still feel like the ugly one that gets over-looked at parties, except the party is the whole world everyday and I probably wasn't even invited. Adulthood, if you ask me, is massively over-rated. Where is the fun? The love? The excitement? The hope for better things in the future? And for these reasons My So-Called Life is still the best thing I ever saw on tv. I still feel like I can completely identify with the emotions and experiences the teenagers in the show went through, even now. Do we ever get rid of those teenage demons? Perhaps they are actually just life demons? Maybe it's a slower process for everyone. Maybe I’ll get there one day.

My So-Called Life is still, in my mind the most beautifully correct representation of teenage experience I have ever seen. I am having a resurgence of love for it at the moment, thanks to talking to my friend Paull about how much we loved the show when we were teenagers in the mid nineties. Having borrowed the dvd box set from me recently, Paull has written a piece on his blog about the impact of the show on him, and I think if I were to write about the impact it had on me I would probably write more or less the same thing. As I know many of you loved MSCL as much as me I thought you might like to read it too Paull’s MSCL article.

And to any fans that didn’t know - it seems that the wonderful A.J.Langer who played Rayanne on the show, got married in 2004 to an English Lord! Bizarre. Other cast news - the incredibly sexy and talented Claire Danes is about to star in Shop Girl, a film based on the novella by Steve Martin - it opens on January 20th in this country - I read the book recently and it was amazingly perceptive and well-written. Go and see the film, it's surely going to be powerfully acted, moving stuff.

You Are... The Jesus And Mary Chain.

You are moody and unpredictable. You are the
underdog who refuses to sink to the bottom. You
have more talent than you ever really let
anyone know. It almost seems as if you try and
sabotage whatever good things may be going on
in your life, and you often feel like you may
be giving people a bit too much of yourself.
Being in the spotlight is something you find to
be rather uncomfortable though you secretly
yearn to be loved by everyone. You lean toward
things of a darker nature and are prone to self
destructive tendencies. You struggle with
happiness for the simple fact that you seem to
be in love with your misery. You are a realist.


what Creation Records band are you? (complete with text and images)
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Hey, look - it's official! What did everyone else get on this?

You scored as Goth. You're A Goth! Goth 90% Emo 65% Rocker, Mosher 60% Skater 35% Prepy 20% Trendy 15% Chav, Townie, Rude Boy, Ned, Kev 5% What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy E.c.t created with QuizFarm.com

Happy New Year, Dream Kittens Everywhere!

Last night I went to a party where a huge fireball from an over-petrolled bonfire almost wiped out most of the guests. I then became obsessed with the fact that no one was calling or texting me at midnight to say happy new year so I texted nearly everyone I could think of in an attempt to remind people I am here, it didn't work - so I fell asleep feeling unloved. The first thing I heard when I woke up this morning was a selection of drunken answer phone messages from the early hours from my photography buddies Kathryn and Mark telling me that they loved me, that they really loved me, that they loved me so much which made up for the lack of messages from loved ones the night before until these declarations were followed by apologies for not inviting me out on the great night they were having, but that they really loved me. Oh well. I want to do great things with this year, my new years resolutions are to have more friends that text me at midnight on new years eve, take more photos, to do an exhibition, to start singing again, to train for a new skill so that I can achieve the last resolution, that old classic - to leave retail. This last one probably won't happen. Whatever, the most important thing of all is to try and be happy.

I hope you all started the year in a positive and joyful way and that you too have great plans for the new year. Lots of love, Katy x