There are certain roles in life we end up assuming on a regular basis. These roles may actually be highly exaggerated or even artificial parts of ourselves that exist to prevent the real us from being revealed and ridiculed. A role I have been playing for years has been that of the joker which compared to how I feel most of the time is quite a role reversal. All too often I feel pressure to take on this role of 'provider of jokes and smut' because people expect it and rely on it, whenever life gets too serious, quick get in there and save us all! I think it's as much to save me from the despair I feel when the world seems bleak, as anything else. This role was decided for me a long time ago. One person who always relies on me for this is my best friend R, she always bigs me up to her friends who haven’t met me and asks me to come to things so I can make her and everyone else laugh with my stories of the time a goth threw up on me or the time I did a porno shoot in my bathroom or the time I beat up the milky bar kid. It’s very flattering but sometimes exhausting. Anyway, such a time occurred on Saturday when we went out for R's birthday. Muchos wine was consumed on my part to make up for the fact that I really didn’t feel like being that girl but I knew I would have to be and also to compensate for what at first felt like rather conservative company. Didn’t take long for the rebel inside me that likes to shake things up a bit and test people to their natural limits started to rouse itself as the very sweet girl next to me started to tell me about her garden and how they'd spent all afternoon clearing...ok, I have to stop there with the description of her gardening cos it's too boring but you get the gist. We were in some Thai place that comes highly recommended - I am ignorant of any food that isn't chocolate and was letting everyone else order for me until my eye fell upon the 'Sticky Rice' option on the menu. This is when I saw R looking expectantly at me and sighed internally, 'I wonder how they make that...?' I pondered to the table, R flashes E a 'here we go, Katy's back' kinda glance and normal service is resumed (‘I think they use some sort of glaze…’ sweet girl next to me offers). Then when it arrived in a small, heated bag resembling a condom and was in the shape of a perfect bottom I was like Homer in chocolate land...R breathed a sigh of relief, she later told me she had been worried about me cos she relies on me for entertainment and ice breaking and I had been quite quiet at the start of the evening. However after an evening of being the filthy clown of smut, telling my various Top Ten hilarious moments of Katy's sad life as hand picked by R and attempting to lure R's straight female friend M into an intimate game of 'I know I'm a girl and you don't normally but you know you want to really' I felt I had earnt my wage for the night. Especially when afforementioned quite sexy straight friend who looked and sounded a lot like Shirley Manson planted a kiss on my mouth (obviously lesbianism was beginning to appeal) at the end of the night followed by an invite to Glasgow to check out sticky rice up there any time I wanted to (r - 'You rock, you even managed to pull M!! ahahaha - next time I'm bringing F, she hates the thought of girl on girl'). I would have staggered home to bed happy had it not been pointed out after all my hard work that I was ‘just like Richard off of Big Brother’ GREAT. You know it might be time to tone down the sexual innuendo and suggestive comments when someone compares you to a 'sexual terrorist' everyone hates….yikes. I'm not a sexual terrorist, I just like to be held - will people please stop expecting me to be filthy and spank them?! Plus, can I help it if the other condom of sticky rice looked like a vagina ('what did she say?' chorused around the room, ' your rice' I repeated, 'it looks like a vagina', ‘I can‘t believe you just said that‘ - sweet girl next to me ‘oh for god‘s sake woman, get a life and a hand mirror‘ - me) - someone had to say it. Maybe taking the sticky rice arse to the pub with me afterwards was a step too far but R loved it and I love her and she's the only person's opinion I care about.