Hello world, you disappoint me. More on that later. I haven't posted in a while - this was purely a ploy to make it look like I have a really busy and exciting life. Ho ho ho, if only. No actually, I have been occupied with many things - mostly photographic. Firstly I must answer your pleas to know why that bastard customer called me disgraceful a few weeks back, well it was all over a piece of tissue paper would you believe?! Yes you heard me right, A PIECE OF TISSUE PAPER. But my friends, in my opinion it was a piece of tissue paper too far. I'm not going to explain further, it's really too dull but it was just one of thsoe bizarre retail situations that gets out of hand and I'm not standing for it anymore! I told him what I thought of him and there was a small scuffle, a gun shot went off, the police were called..hang on, I'm getting carried away - there were no guns (sadly, the shop owners knowing me and my fragile sanity, do not allow us to bring guns to work - the place would be a very different shop if they did cos well, I'd probably be in jail by now and not working there...but I digress) Speaking of anger managment, last week in what was possibly one of the greatest moments of my short life, I took on the Milky Bar Kid in a battle to the death in defense of 2 people I love! I think if you're going to have like one fight in your whole life and then spend the rest of the time being a pacifist and encouraging diplomacy and verbal conflict resolution, let that one fight be with the guy who used to be the Milky Bar Kid when he was 7. Maybe I have anger issues, maybe the ex MBK just chose the wrong time of the month to stand at the front of my brother's amazing headlining gig at the Cellar and openly mock him with offensive wanking gestures, beer throwing and booing, but to be honest seeing him push my friend Anna and call her a 'fat slut' would have riled me at any time of the month and I went for the bugger. I can't really remember much cos it was a bit of an out of body experience but apparently according to eye witnesses, I threw my drink complete with mammoth ice cubes in his face, pushed him to the floor and then set onto him like a crazed she-bitch before being dragged off him by my friend and being taken to the loo to calm down whilst screaming the words 'I don't need to calm down, I need to kill that bastard'. What a great experience. I can understand why people go out on a friday night looking for fights, the adrenalin rush was amazing. But seriously kids, don't use violence to solve issues - leave that for the politicians and terrorists.

I've seen some amazing films recently - for anyone who wants something to rent here's some suggestions.....

*****Me and You and Everyone We Know (a truly beautiful, vibrant, unique portrayal of two odd balls falling in love and all their various children, neighbours, friends etc - such a positive message and upbeat ending and makes you feel good about life)
***Happy Endings (starring the gorgeous Maggie Gyllenhaal, Lisa Kudrow, Steve Coogan - darkly funny, original, painful, brillinatly acted)
***Jarhead (if you were unsure about whether you fancied Jake Gyllenhaal or whether war is pointless and disgusting and if men don't need much encouragment to become arseholes in that situation then after watching this you will know that yes you do, yes it is and no they don't)
*****Inside I'm Dancing (so very very very life changing and funny, 2 disabled friends break away from the secure unit they live in to have the independence of their own house, it'll break your heart and make you think about things differently)
**The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things (watch Marilyn Manson have sex with a small boy dressed as a woman - ok, so not actually - they couldn't have filmed it but that's what is happening, disturbing and raw)
*****Mysterious Skin (god, this was upsetting with it's scenes of child abuse and the rape of a rent boy but so well acted and such a departure in style for Joseph Gorden-Levitt who is best know for his roles in Third Rock From The Sun and 10 Things I Hate About You)

Ok, I have lots more to say but I'll leave you with this to be going on with. Sleep tight, kittens.