This is a picture that Squib took today of me holding a reflector during a photoshoot in the Abbey National bank in Oxford. Sophie, our model is laughing because no one has told me that they'd stopped shooting about ten hours ago. I, as you can see, couldn't see a thing. The bastards. My arms were killing me. On the plus side, I look like a massive time portal about to engulf Sophie so perhaps her laughter was out of fear...pah, who am I kidding, she was laughing at me - the hige circle with legs. 

Happy Christmas, Kittens if indeed anyone still reads this blog. I'm not sure if anyone does actually - mostly it's people searching fro Susie Dent naked and pictures of Ville Valo. I guess after a year perhaps everyone is tired of reading about my boring life. I know I am. I am thinking of calling it a day. This blog is a year old this week. Happy birthday SKC.

WHatever you are doing - I hope you have an excellent time.

So my last weekend of Xmas Retail Hell (copyright Katy Ross Dec 2004) and it's all gone to pot. Not content with running after shoplifters who are infact not shoplifters at all I just couldn't help myself this weekend. I was on a roll, a bap, a baguette, a ciabatta and indeed, a BAGEL of humiliation, shame and mortification. oh oh ohohohhhhhhhhhhhh why why why don't I just leave and get a proper job?...

Scenario Number One: Saturday busy busy busy, madness, firey flames of customer hell, I am serving ten people at once, cash in one hand, novelty willy-shaped bath cushion/dancing hamster/revolving bookcase in the other, man comes in from outside and thrusts empty drinks can at me, he says...

'Have you got a bin?'
I say, 'er.....yes, (in head: let me just put down the entire contents of the shop, stop what I'm doing and who I'm serving and discard your rubbish for you you lazy, inconsiderate piece of road kill) ok. (Take can from him, put in bin, see him leave the shop. Think - fuck! that guy just came in here to give us his rubbish on the busiest day of the year when there is a bin on the street right outside the shop. I can't believe it. I turn to my manager who is next to me..)
'Can you believe that guy? He just came in here to give us his rubbish and then left? I mean what are we? Binmen? The local recycling depot? Collectors of crap and shit? How bloody lazy! How hard would it have been for him to put it in the bin outside? Honestly, fucking hell, I've never met anyone so bone idol and blind, as if we aren't busy enough! etc etc'
My manager: 'Which guy?!'
Me: 'Well he isn't here now, that's the whole point - he gave me his rubbish and JUST BLODDY LEFT!!!!!!'
Small voice next to me: 'actually I'm still here...' OH NO! It's the man with the can! He is standing right next to me, looking at keyrings on the counter and has heard everything! Holy Jesus Christ on a crutch! FUUUCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! Could I be anymore embarrased? Ummmm, trying, trying....nope, it can't be done. I have reached my full embarrassment limit. Fortunately, he found the whole thing really funny. He even twinkled his eyes at me as he left - probably thinking, ho ho ho - unstable woman at the time of the month. Ha ah ah ahahahaha, bet she's a bit of a handful, god help the man who has to go out with her. Either that or me really brutally insulting him was a turn on. Anyway, the whole incident took some getting over. Actually knowing me, I may never get over it like the million other minor events in my life I just can't get over.

Scenario Number Two: Today, I am eyeing up an attractive artistic type in the card section, he looks at me a few times too, haha! I'm in there! (just for the record: I NEVER EVER EVER think this, it just seemed to fit well in the story telling version of this event!!) He comes over to pay.
Me: giggle, hello!
Artistic type: hello...(his friend comes over too, buys purchases, goes to leave but sees behind me a shelf of edible g strings!) Oh actually, can I have one of these too.
Me: A ha! The lure of the edible g string is strong!
Artistic type: Excuse me?
Me: You just couldn't resist the edible g strings!!
AT and friend exchange glance: I guess not...
I continue: They're great, I ate one off my friend's crotch once! (I look at their stunned faces. I'm getting nothing but shock! SHIT! Bollocky bollocks, shut up Katy, you thought they'd be down with this, they're not, stop talking now)
I trail off: It was just like those necklaces you used to eat a children...only soapier. (NOTHING. PANIC. STOP TALKING!! THEY'LL LEAVE IF YOU JUST STOP TALKING) The g string I meant, not my friend's crotch.

(NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO)

So there you have it. Diary of a shop assistant gone mad. I think I have now solved the whole 'why is Katy always single?' mystery. Thank goodness....

Tonight from 7 till late into the night on Radio One there is a Tribute to John Peel, featuring live perfromances from many great bands including PJ Harvey, Supergrass, Gorky's Zygotic Mynki, The Wedding Present etc etc. I'm listening to it at the moment and Bill Odie is talking....bizarre!

Dimebag Darrell, guitarist for Damageplan/Pantera shot dead at gig last night

This is fucking awful.

So I joined up to Myspace on the suggestion of a friend at college, it's very much like blogging, in that you can have a daily blog if you want, it's also very much like msn in that you can add people you make friends with to your msn lists but mostly I guess it's just like an online community of on the whole, very cool people. People unlike the usual sexual nutters that try to be friends with you on message groups. If anyone already has a myspace page then let me know cos so far I have no friends in my friend box and it looks a bit sad! I think the idea is you make friends with the friends of your friends that are on there. It's a networking thing. MySpace if you want to look at my page and leave me a message to make me look popular then here it is! Katy Myspace page.

That's it really, make me look popular! I need you to try, lie if you have to - the friend who reccomended it to me has about 4 billion people leaving her messages everyday telling her how great she is so I feel like I have some catching up to do!!

Question of the day is...have you ever had a crush on/been in love with someone you shouldn't/wouldn't normally? Discuss....I may tell you why I'm asking at a later date. Intrigue is my middle name.

Today a bird crapped all over my car. Literally ALL OVER IT. It couldn't have crapped anymore if it had tried and I think it tried pretty damn hard. Bizarrely, the cars either side of mine in the car park were untouched, but my car - coated in shit. I couldn't see out of any of the windows on my way home from work, it was quite spectacular, spectacularly dangerous I should say. Anyway I am excited because, doesn't this mean that I'm going to have good luck? I hope so. I hope this good luck extends to getting all my work done for collage by next week, and then not dying from over-exposure to Christmas shoppers at work.

Anyway, it's that time of year again when the 'I heart Christmas' cd comes out at work and we have to listen to 'I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday' and 'Feed the World' etc on loop until we have a Michael Douglas 'Falling Down' type moment and start beating the living crap out of the cd player/customers/till/shop owners/each other with packets of chocolate willies. Or perhaps that's just me. Last night was our staff Christmas do, a bit bloody early if you ask me but then Christmas day would be too early if you ask me so no one does and I just shut up and grit my teeth and survived barely by the skin of my neck. At one point there was a break in the 'what are we going to do about all the shoplifters' conversation we always end up having EVERY BLOODY DAY at the moment (complete with 'don't worry Katy's on to it' type jokes - am I ever going to live down the whole After Eight Mint thing? Possibly not...) and my manager said she was annoyed cos her husband had rung her at work the other day when it was really busy to tell her that he loved her. She said, 'I had to leave a queue of about 10 people and I thought something was wrong and all he wanted was to say I love you, honestly!' and everyone was all, 'hahaha, honestly! What is he like?' etc and I quietly said, 'well I think you're lucky, no one ever says they love me' and bam! Silence. Nice one Katy, party killer. After a few minutes of awkward coughs and nervous looks, my manager goes, 'well that's cos you're not married or going out with anyone, Katy' and everyone kinda breathed a sigh of relief that that little mystery was over and carried on - 'pepper spray, we could keep some behind the till and if we see anyone shoplifting...'

BLOODY HELL!

Ok, people. We've all got to go over to Phill's new MP3 blog, Louder Than War and check out bands he says we should. Who knows, we may even learn something. The second Ikara Cult track is very good.