Something terrible has happened, I have decided I like Keane. This takes some getting used to. That'll teach me for listening to Radio One on the way to college in the car because I am sick of my cds and have run out of music to listen to. I blame John Peel. If he hadn't have died, this would never have happened. Please, someone guide me back onto the road of good taste...I'm lost. Sniff.

I haven't really been blogging regularly recently cos I have lost the will to (live) blog but I feel I must post something so that my bruised arm is no longer the first thing that people see when they look at this page, thanks for your advice about that Tracey - I have since consulted a nurse who tells me that I don't have very good veins which was a bit unkind of her I thought but then the rest of me is pretty disfuctional hence the need for a blood test in the first place so I guess this is to be expected...

So here's some randomn events from my life recently for anyone who's intersted and I have to say that I am not interested so god help anyone else who is but anyway...so I was in the hairdresser's the other day having my colour redone and the fresh-faced colourist says to me, 'ooo, you know who you remind me of?' and I'm thinking, 'please don't say Sophie Ellis Bexter...please please please...' and the FFC says, 'do you watch the X Factor?' and I'm thinking, 'please God, don't say Rowetta!' and the FFC goes, 'Tabby!' Bloody great. That'll teach me for humming Bon Jovi in public. Just cos we have black and red hair, honestly. I hate talking to hairdressers, not cos I'm anti-social but because I feel inferior and self conscious enough in hair salons as it is without having the rest of my life scrutenised too. I once made the mistake of lying to make myslef sound more interesting when I was unemployed and at the hairdressers by saying I was a music journalist or something. Unfortunately the hairdresser I was being styled by got really into this and asked me loads of questions about who I wrote for, which bands I'd met, what the pay was like and I had to work so hard to come up with natural and believable sounding answers that by the end of the cut I was exhausted and left with wet hair just to get away. I also think I had agreed to get her and her sister backstage at a Blue concert. Sigh, so anyway when this FFC said I was like an Irish rock wannabe on a tv talent(less) show I didn't argue, I paid her and left. I watched the X Factor tonight and decided that a dying mongoose has a better voice than Tabby, who resorted to letting the audience sing the chorus of his song which to me means he can't sing it himself and to the judges seemed to mean that he gave a 'powerful performance' and 'owned the audience and the stage'. It's a funny business...who's really got the talent? The wannabe contestant or the stylists, musical directors and mentors who have picked a look and song for them and told them what to do?...You decide. Still, it was nice to hear a version of 'Living on a Prayer' worse than the version Rosie and I sang at karaoke at our friends birthday party when we were teenagers. Being 'a little' completely off our faces we started off an octave too high to begin with and then by the time it goes up an octave at the bridge we were only decipherable to dogs and garage doors and many glasses had smashed in the process. Happy days.

After a bout of shop lifting incidents in our shop and our owner basically threatening not to pay us if we let anymore go by (incidentily all incidents happened when I was on a day off...)I decided today that I would show them all how it's done and catch one of the theiving bastards myself like I have done (to no gratitude or acclaim, if you remember) in the past. Only it hasn't got off to a very good start when today I falsely accused a guy of shop lifting what I thought were a box of our chocolate willies, after I had chased him down the street they turned out to be After Eight Mints which are in an identical packet. Fortunately he didn't realise what I had thought he'd taken as he probably would have sued for defamation of character or something. At least I didn't start my assault with 'Come back here with those chocolate willies you big gay shop-lifter you!' At least that was something. Sigh. And life goes on.

I was walking down Walton St today and three chav type kids cycle past and the guy walking towards me on the pavement suddenly shouts at them 'Oi, that's my bike!!' and they stop and after a brief exchange of expletives hand it back. What are the chances eh? You steal someone's bike and then you cycle right past them? Doh! That's the type of luck I'd have if I was a theif of any kind. I let that be a lesson to me and walked on.

This is the inside of my arm. No, I haven't been the victim of some nasty domestic violence. This is what happens when I go to the doctors for some 'simple' blood tests. Perhaps I shouldn't have made that joke about the nurse being a heroin addict. But seriously, is there anyone with medical knowledge out there reading this? Is this actually normal? It seems to be getting worse! Why is nothing ever simple?! 

This is brilliant, for all you cat lovers and general animal dancing fanatics! Turn on your speakers and try to work out what the guy is singing about.

Kittycat Dance

Donnie Darko pic 2 

Donnie Darko pic 1..... 

Some Frank masks I painted. 

This week I am mostly being a lesbian and talking like Goldie Lookin Chain. I fucking love those guys. Oh and I have to say hello to my lovely friend Zoe cos she is currently in GLC land at university and is so far into the valleys that she has had to purchase a pair of fucking WELLIES! I am LOVING this piece of information deeply.

I hear your requests for pictures of my Donnie Darko project, I feel your need and I will give in to your demands soon enough my pretties but I am too busy looking at a great website I ound of men and their love for their various manhoods. Oh yes, it's a site purely of photos of you know what, with other men and the occasional woman giving opnions on the verious members! I would put the link here but I don't want to encourage you all, I know what you're like. I know you'll find it anyway. Behave.

If I have to ask my boss for less hours so I can do my college work one more time I'm going to scream. Oh right I just had to; 'agghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh'. I'm a woman of my word. Managed to squeeze a day off out of the slave drivers on Friday though and used it to take a willing model and his bike up onto the White Horse Hill to lie in his pretend pyjamas, barefooted on a high up road, freezing his nads off whilst I took photos of him. The pictures will be used for my Donnie Darko project. Maybe I'll let you see them one day. Maybe I won't, maybe you don't care either way.

Today a homeless man I see everyday outside my shop told me that someone had just left £40 in a cash point on the street I work on and he had run after them with it to give it back to them only to have the ungrateful recipient snatch it off him and treat him like he was a theif. As he told me this, his eyes filled with tears. All I could say to comfort him was that his actions had gone some way towards making the world a better place. Do you believe in karma? Who knows, I normally feel like life is a brick wall that you are constantly throwing yourself against by being nice to people and only getting crap back but on some days I notice that the sun has come out for the first time in ages at the exact time I wanted to take photographs and this is enough to change my mind briefly. I hope karma does exist, I'm looking forward to great things happening any second now if it does....nope, nothing yet...still nothing...

Final thought: congrats to Squib for the great cover photo of Smilex on this month's Nightshift. Is that the sound of royalties rolling in?...Oh my aching sides.