Hello my Dark Diciples of Mog. Something momentous has happened. No - I haven't managed to tame my hair or get a boyfriend, something much more neccesary has occured: yes, kittens - modern technology has reached my sleepy hollow! Ok, I know what you're thinking, 'oh dear, has Katy misunderstood the use of the vibrate function on her new mobile' no no no no no no, I am talking about our local telephone exchange being broadband enabled! And about.bloody.time.too. Is all I can say (along with the rest of the English vocabulary of course). I mean, it's ridiculous. Everyone has broadband. Eskimos have broadband. The sodding Orkney Islands had broadband before us and we are just on the outskirts of The Midlands for Satan's sake! 'Why can penguins log on at the same time as making a phone call and not us?!' We cried (both of us, me and my cat). And finally they have heard us, through the wood, across the valley, across open fields and through the walls of my log hut! Horay. The only thing is, now that I have broadband I am finding that I have completed eveything I wanted to do online in under 0.5 of a second of logging on and I now have all this free webtime and nothing to do with it! I am going to have to resort to downloading endless gothic mullet pornography or entire Will Young albums to fill the hours when I normally would've been waiting for Ebay to open. So, as you can tell my weblife hasn't been affected too much. Anyway, my next step is to get photos on here...watch this black space.

So, watching the new Big Brother housemates enter the house on Friday made me shrivel up and die inside myself this year, so I'm not going to continue with that pursuit.

Onto other things. I need a new job so badly it hurts when I breathe. My job is so awful, today I had to stock take amoungst the dust of a once forgotton stock cupboard not inhabited since World War 2. (One hamster, two hamster, three hamster, oxygen mask, hand granade...) I am now having serious respiratory problems but I am told that blue suits me so it's not so bad. But I must leave, the horrible owners sacked my lovely friend Rob. They are Nazis, pretending it was to do with hours not available but really I think it was more to do with his dreadlocks and laidback approach to clothing co-ordination not quite fitting in with with their ever-changing image for the shop. Basically, if you have a job you think I could do, I'll do it. I'll do anything. I'll even do the thing Meatloaf won't do. I'm more than desperate.

Finally I'd like to say hello to the admin team from the Lullacry website who have taken a peak at my weblog. I love Lullacry (my latest Finnish love affair) after finally receiving 'Crucify My Heart' from Amazon after about 2 years of waiting for it. Seriously, I thought it was only about 3 hours to get to Finland from the UK, they must've sent it via comatose tortoise mail! Anyway, it was worth waiting for. Interestingly enough my new Finnish readers make up a Satanic 0.66% of my geographical readership! The Devil is my statisical counter! Rock on....

So I bet you're all wondering, I bet you're all dying to know, well I won't keep you in suspenders any longer. Yes, it WAS the event of the century, yes we were over-awed to be in the same room as the great woman herself, yes her beauty and talent knows no bounds and we shall never recover from witnessing her in such close proximity, a truly, truly remarkable lady. To think someone so great was in lil' old Oxford?! It's actually amazing, who'd have thought it? I am so grateful that I was there to witness it. I am of course talking about Susie Dent of Dictionary Corner, Countdown fame being in my shop today. Can you believe it? Wow. I'm so star struck. Although I can't help thinking there was something else that I was going to tell you about, some other great event that happened yesterday...nope, it's gone. SUSIE DENT!!!

Hello my feline followers, long time no miaw. I'm sorry - I have been outrageously busy. Firstly, I have to let out a small muffled scream of excitement at the prospect of seeing PJ Harvey up close and personal at the Zodiac tomorrow (and according to rumours, butt naked in a bath of custurd, extreme ironing!!! You heard it here first.....and last probably) Can I contain myself? We'll have to see. I think I am telepathically picking up waves of excitement off Phill who truely must be the most excited man in the history of excitement right now at the prospect of seeing Polly tomorrow. I only hope he brings a spare pair of pants and a life-support machine with him because once she hits the stage, I'm not looking away, lending my underware, or administrating the kiss of life to ANYONE, friends or otherwise. You're on your own. (Obviously before and after the gig, I will be happy to do these things for the normal fee...)

But enough of this, it's time for retail news (cue the theme tune - ie: the death march)! Last week I single-handedly prevented a massive heist of stock from our shop when I confronted and reduced to tears a burly 6ft shoplifter with massive muscles, tattoos and a skinhead (and by this I mean he had these things, I didn't confront him with them!) With my excellent Satanic powers of pursuasion (otherwise known as a chinese burn, threats of eternal damnation and the shop Dido cd on repeat) I managed to retreive 5 radios from him - about £50-£60 worth of goods in total. Only he wasn't going to give up without a fight, so I quickly put everything I've learnt from my extensive 2 seconds of watching WWF into action (I adopted a few pandas, saved a rainforest-NO! Not that WWF. Fools.) - I put on a tight lycra costume and he was soon jibbering and begging me to 'put it away' and stop torturing him with such a grotesque image. Ha ha ah a hahaha. It was just like my last one night stand all over again, but that is not the point, the point is: I'm a hero and do you know what the shop owner said when I told her of my triumph, risking life and limb for the sake of her over-priced gifts?! 'Oh' were her precise words of praise, and then - and I'll never forget this part for it moved me so - 'are the radios ok?'. Lovely.

I am a retail whore - prostitutuing myself to the pimp that is SHOP WORK! I must give it up I MUST...but I can't....yesterday I almost applied for a job in another! that would mean I would be working in 3! THREE SHOPS. WHY? In the name of GOD? sigh. It must be cos I hate myself and feel I deserve to be miserable and undervalued.

My brother, Will gets on ok in retail though. He works in a bookshop and last Friday had the pleasure of helping the wonderful, yet slightly obsessive Dave Gorman sell copies of his new book Dave Gorman's Google Whack Adventure after a show in Oxford. Dave G's parents actually live in Witney which is 3 miles away from me and where I grew up and they were there. Dave G's dad apparently said to my brother 'oh I recognise you, you sold me a copy of Windows 98 for dummies today in your shop' to which my brother should have said, 'Windows 98?!! Come on Mr Gorman, get with the programme - you have a famous comedian for a son, get him to fork out for a new computer and a more recent version of Windows for you! Sheesh! Children eh? Ungrateful sods' but he didn't cos I thought of it not him and I wasn't there to tell him. My connection to Dave Gorman is that when his series 'I'm Dave Gorman' was on tele, I found it funny once or twice but then got a bit bored and would often annoy Bella who was trying to watch it by saying things like, 'oh look. he's found ANOTHER guy called Dave Gorman, how funny. How original. No wait...I think this has been done before...wasn't this on last week? etc etc' God, I'm funny. Anyway, Bella met him at a book signing a year or so after this and got him to write me a message, it said, 'Hello Katy, YOU BITCH, love Dave Gorman' I was like, 'Bella, sweetheart, poppet, love of my life - you don't happen to have told a famous comedian who I actually think is ok that I think HE'S SHIT, have you?!' And she was all, 'I may have done...(mystique mystique)' And I was all like, 'nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...what's with the reference to the shit pop act...nooooooooooooo' but it turns out that she didn't, she just got him to write it for no reason to scare me. Ha. That taught me, I won't be doing that again. Anyway I actually quite like DG now and my brother says to him, 'so Dave, my sister has your autograph from a few years back, you called her a bitch!' and DG is mortified, and is all 'No I didn't!!!' and Will is like, 'I'm afraid you did' and DG is like, 'but I wouldn't do that! (sob whimper...ok, I'm elaborating here somewhat)' and Will is all, 'oh but you did!' Poor Dave G. There's nothing like seeing a grown comedian cry.

Oh no, I want to tell you all about mine and Squib's photography meeting with the fabulous sexy Smilex on Sunday but I fear I am losing you all to apathy so all I will say is watch this space cos details of possibly the best promo shoot ever to take place in a sex shop will be with you shortly. Plus, I am really looking forward to photographing 'Urban Music' star, Lamaar in a few weeks time. He's so urban and gritty and from the streets MAN, we shall probably have to wear bullet-proof vests for the event incase him and his homies whip out their automatics on us and 'fuck us bitches up with their mother fucking guns' (copyright a gangster rap song once). I hope he does that fantastic '50 50' gesture he invented that we have all grown to love, that would be so cool...I'm shutting up now.

Hello kittens - just wanted to draw your cute, furry attention to a really rare and slightly bizarre event happening this Saturday on radio 2 at 9pm! The event in question is a documentary called Lost Boy - In Search of Nick Drake, about the wonderful late singer songwriter but here's the bizarre part - it's narrated by Brad Pitt! Yep. That's right,Brad Pitt, of HollywoodFightClubJenniferAnistonSexiestManAlive fame. He just can't help himself! I was still recovering from the shock of seeing him on a Jeff Buckley documentary a few years back and then I learn that he took a break from filming Troy to pop over to a small BBC Radio 2 studio recently and record his voice-over because he loves Nick Drake too! Come on Brad - stop stealing my cds! You can't like all the same music as me. I wouldn't be surprised if I bump into him at P J Harvey next week. Hell - he probably likes HIM too. Hands off Brad - Ville's mine. Damn - how can I compete with 'The Sexiest Man Alive' for the affections of Ville Valo?...I'M DOOMED. Why am I even considering this as an obstacle?!

Onto other news, the bank wrote me a letter saying that my overdraft has run out but I have been authorised a new one to the value of £660.60. How fucking random. It's like the Student Loans people mistakenly starting to withdraw £56.66 from my account last year. The devil is my financial stalker.

Hey - we all thought that grunge shot itself in the face ten years ago and is no more but stop mourning, my friends cos I'm here to tell you that it is back from the dead! Check out my new favourite band - Bitch Alert for evidence. Look, the lead singer is even wearing a babydoll Courtney Love dress! Wow. It's about time, what with Courtney going completely off the rails (still love you Courtney!) we are in desperate need of a smudged-lipstick replacement! BA are two thirds female and from Finland which makes them even more appealing obviously as Finland is currently the new black, sliced bread and generally 'the shit'. Seriously, 2 years ago - I wouldn't have even been able to point it out on the map, now I could give guided tours, blind-folded, in Finnish. But this is not the point, the point is that these guys' debut UK album came out on Monday, '..Rriot' and you all must buy it. If you liked Hole's 'Pretty On The Inside' or 'Live Through This' or any Babes in Toyland then you will like this. Amusing observation though - I read about these guys in Metal Hammer this month and they were going on about how they have got about as big as they can get in Finland and how they have a big fan base and following there. I'm sure this is true but look at the 'Live' section of their photo gallery on their website and note one thing - at all their gigs - where's the audience?!! There is one guy there in one pic and in another they appear to be playing to a large office block and nothing else!! I mean, I know that there aren't many people in Finland but surely even there, having a large following means more than one person?! Anyway, despite bad camera angles, I predict big things for them, hopefully audiences included!

I have realised after a conversation with a friend tonight that there is a real need for an internet 'introductions' agency type website for people who aren't dickheads, people who aren't single cos they don't know how to form relationships with people but just haven't met anyone for a while that floats their boat. But more importantly they want to meet other people like them but because they aren't neccesarily part of a community or subculture no one caters for their dating needs. If you are into the sublime or the gothic, there are gothic dating sites but like a friend was saying to me earlier - can you actually email people you are interested in on these sites if you aren't a goth yourself?! Well, I'd like to think you could but hey - it's like multi-racial relationships - not everyone can see beyond the exterior. If I emailed a goth, saying 'hello - I find the gothic lifestyle really appealing and beautiful and love lots of the music/literature/films etc etc from it, plus I find you hotter than Ville Valo's thermal undies but I occasionally wear colourful clothes, spend under 5 seconds on my hair and make up everyday and I'm scared of spiders' would he/she be interested? There needs to a dating agency for people inbetween all the alternative cultures that like bits of them all. My friend was suggesting a dating site for people into obscure indie bands from the nineties but I guess this is quite selective again and may not sum you up completely....there needs to be a site for people who like aspects of everything alternative - I guess this just describes my friends. There needs to be a dating agency for my friends and I think that dating agency has to be me. I know lots of people from various walks of life and interests and often this board and certainly my last message board on Popex brings them all together at once. plus aren't people always saying that most people meet their partners through friends of friends? Perhaps I should start it now, 'alternative dating for cool people that I know'....Just call me Cilla! I'll think about it. Any takers?

So it turns out that if you go within ten foot of a college that teaches photography and let slip that you like Finnish Goth bands, grew up liking the Manics and used to play in a band, you automatically bypass any normal interview/application procedure and can start studying immediately. Today I got accepted onto a photography course I hadn't actually applied for purely on the basis of my musical tastes and the fact that I used to be in a punk rock band! My new tutor who is an ex music photographer, used to be part of the South Wales music scene when the South Wales music scene was the Manics, Gorky's, Super Furrys etc. On hearing that I used to worship at the shrine of James Dean Bradfield and once gave Gorky's a half decent review in a local mag he more or less offered me a place on the spot. I am very grateful to him of course but also a little concerned that I may have accidentally agreed to be in a band and move in with him too. It was all such a blur, I can't really remember - I could've agreed to anything. I'll keep you posted.

Funny referrers to my site today include someone who was searching for Satanic Cults in Wolverhampton! This is very VERY funny. If that person comes back - please leave me a message and tell me if Wolverhampton is in fact a hotbed of Satanic activity. That would make my day! It'd be like Ilfracombe becoming the new surf capital of the UK.

Ok, I'm trying not to panic but someone got through to my site by searching for 'peadophilia'. This is very worrying and now I have mentioned the word again - they may well come back. Bollocks. I can only hope it wasn't the police. Statement to the world: Satan's Kitten Club has nothing to do with the abuse or exploitation of children. Go elsewhere for such sordid things - like your GP for immediate psychiatric help.

On to happier things....my friend Jo got married yesterday and I haven't been so emotional since the last time I weighed myself. It was a real tear-jerker, complete with messages from 'God' and songs written and recorded by the groom for the bride. Squib and me went a bit trigger-happy on the wedding photography and took about 500 pictures - literally catching every single emotional moment available and there were lots. I'm beginning to warm to this marriage malarky you know but don't tell anyone....

All P J Harvey tickets for the Zodiac are gone now but I have a spare I think so contact me if you want it quickly. Otherwise I think my friend Zoe may want it or there's always Ebay. Exciting times! there is a fab pic of Peej in Q this month. Check it out - she has the same short hair as Alanis Morrisette!

EXCLUSIVE NEWS!!!!! P J Harvey is playing Oxford Zodiac on 26th May!!!! Still tickets available here!!!! I squealed for a good few minutes and even jumped up and down moderately when I discovered this (it is very rare for me to display such levels of excitement and happiness so everyone was quite alarmed...) and also that Will had got me a ticket, bless him. So if you're not coming, get a bloody move on and book a ticket. It's a unique chance to see Peej in a very, VERY intimate venue.

Hello to all you Bam Margera fans who somehow have ended up here by searching for him naked or whatever you filthy peeps have been doing! I know, I am ever-present and I can SEE YOU. Actually I just checked my site stats, I'm not really the devil. I'm not really a massive Bam fan either - I can't skateboard, I don't watch Jackass cos it makes me uncomfortable but since seeing all his HIM based documentaries I have to say I have developed a love for the guy. Fancy enjoying life that much all the time - there must be a catch. I reckon off camera he's a comatose, manic depressive. Seriously, he exhausts me. I mean not literally, he doesn't come round my house and make me run the four minute mile or anything but I mean, watching him - or it could just be his editing. Actually I reckon it's ALL in the editing. What you see is 4 year's worth of mad moments in 3 minutes. But what is this obsession with all his HIM videos having girls in their pants in? COME ON!! Not interesting. Cheesy. Bad. urg. And in the sake of the Sacrament video - not even nice pants! White M&S style hip huggers. I despair. Anyway - hello new readers. You are most welcome.

To all my regulars - I have another wedding on Saturday, it's my friend Jo. I have to stand next to the pastor dude and take photos of them 'going down the aisle' and becoming man and wife and stop, I'm having a panic attack! If I'm going to continue with being a wedding photographer I really need to overcome my fear of marriage...am I the only girl who finds the thought of getting married too hideous to contemplate? Surely this must make me really desirable to most men? Come on, please? Just a little? Well, bloody hell if that's not going to do it then I give up, I have nothing else...

Hey. I thought I'd get in there before the double page spread appears in Nightshift on the Oxford Rock Wedding of the year and tell you about the surreal yet heart-warming event that was Jon TROT's wedding on Saturday. Firstly - never assume that because someone ROCKS hard on stage that this is the type of music they will choose to entertain guests at their wedding with, no siree. Instead of a Spinal Tap tribute band we were treated to the delights of Welsh border's folk trio, Hoover The Dog who Radio 2 describe as 'gutsy and gleeful' and everyone else described as 'Hoover The Bog' cos that's what it looked like it said on their posters. Hoover The Dog have a bouzouki player, a song called 'The Slippery Pollock' and an album called 'Scratch n Sniff' and are therefore LEGENDS by all accounts. And at least, as everyone said, it wasn't Goldrush. Anyway dear readers, they were fab and let me tell you something now - you haven't seen anything until you've seen local rock legends BARN DANCING. FACT! The sheer excitement on the faces of the TROT boys as they dolce doed etc was an unexpected sight to behold, not to mention the effect of the announcement of the commencement of the Gay Gordans! 'Hold your partner from behind, and in and out and in and out..' I may never recover. It was a good job I was wearing my reversible knickers. If only I could work out how the noo to put photos on this weblog then I could show you. Phill trot and I were the only people refusing to dance, I guess that makes us miserable bastards by all accounts but hey - I have very little dignity as it is and someone had to video the whole thing. It's good to know that after all these years, Phill and I are still united on our refusal to enjoy ourselves at any cost! Plus someone has to sit in the corner, wearing black and being mysterious or it isn't a real party.

Anyway - Phill told me an interesting thing - apparently Take That are going to reform!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy Moley. If I had a pound for everytime I have stunned people with the knowledge that I used to be a take That fan and have been to 7, count them - SEVEN - Take That gigs, I'd be very rich. It's true. This news excites me greatly cos after seeing that recent documentary about them I revived some of my love for them. They ruled, even if they barely sung on any of their records and were all on drugs (Apparently their songs were actually called 'Why Can't I Shoot Up With You' and 'It Only Takes a Minute Girl, To Drop An E' and 'Could It Be Magic Mushrooms' and 'Relight My Joint' and...ok, I'll stop now). Jason was my favourite cos he 'played the guitar' WOW. I was easily impressed in those days. Still am. Although, he probably didn't cos it turns out he wasn't blessed musically and he didn't sing on ANY OF THE RECORDS! Excellent choice Katy, well done. Anyway, Robbie is apparently denying this reformation so we'll have to wait and see but I think it's a great idea. They should reform as a Goth band. Take Bat. Gary can be the fat one cos there's nothing funnier than a fat Goth.

Anyway, I'd like to personally congratulate Jon and his lovely wife Becky on their marriage and wish them a happy life together. I'd also like to congratulate them on having the most ROCK wedding cake I've ever seen - it was an electric guitar. A good day was had by all. Amen to marriages that definitely WILL last.